The Chinese culture has long been known for its ceremonies and etiquette through the ages. Many Chinese proverbs have been passed down from generation to generation such as "civility costs nothing" or "courtesy demands reciprocity" and so on. However, it can be something of a culture shock when it comes to the differences between the social niceties between the Chinese and the western world. The following is an introduction to the daily manners and courtesies of social life in of the Chinese.

Mianzi (Face)

The idea of shame, usually expressed as "face" could be loosely defined as the status or self-respect in Chinese and by no means alien to foreigners. It is the worst thing for a Chinese to lose face. Never insult, embarrass, shame, yell at or otherwise demean a person. Neither try to prove someone wrong nor shout at him in public.

Never make demands, always calmly explain the situation and request politely assistance in correcting the problem. That way your Chinese host can offer an act of friendship rather than "losing face" by giving in to a demand. Most people will go out of their way to help you if it's presented correctly.

Mianzi, commonly referred to as face, is a reflection of a person's level of status in the eyes of his or her peers. Having face means you are viewed by your peers, superiors, and subordinates as one in harmony with the prevailing disposition of society. It is a subtlety that is not openly discussed in Chinese society, but exists as a conversational skill nonetheless.

Face is paramount in Chinese culture. We know what it means to lose face and to save it, but what about giving, receiving, or preserving it? With the Chinese, the most important commodity, and one infinitely more complex than money, is face. It's something you're likely to encounter in every interaction, whether you're dealing with a concierge, a party official, or a business contact. It is said among Westerners, "When face confronts truth with the Chinese, truth loses." That's one of the reasons foreigners sometimes perceive the Chinese as not honest with them. Because this is such a powerful concept, it really trumps everything else.

Mianzi can best be understood as the avoidance of embarrassment in front of others. Otherwise, it can be considered to be impolite.

When in the company of polite Chinese, it is important that you:

• Don't lose your composure by getting angry or by becoming emotional in other ways. Anger costs face on both sides, and more important, it won't get you anywhere. The object of your anger is likely to shut down and refuse to help. Tears don't work either. Dunlop remembers being in the countryside for two exhausting weeks and breaking down before her hosts during an exhausting series of introductions around town. They became furious with her for costing them face in front of their neighbors.
• Don't assume "yes" means yes or "maybe," or any other answer. A refusal costs the refuser face. You have to read between the lines and most often you'll hear, "It's inconvenient." or suggestions of various other solutions. Pushing for a yes or no will only make you come off as rude. It's best to work together after being refused to come up with an alternate solution that preserves face for both parties.
• Don't say no in public, regardless of how odd the request. The same goes for dressing down an employee or complaining about lackluster service.
• Don't heatedly disagree in front of peers. The sorts of political debates that are standard dinner-party stuff in the West would be humiliating to a Chinese person surrounded by friends or colleagues. It's best to address serious concerns or disagreements in private.
• Don't tease or denigrate someone or the institution he represents. It's not that they're missing a sense of humor, it's their sensitivity to grumbles, even meant ironically, that might be construed as face-losing.

Guanxi (Relationships between People)

The fundamental glue that has held society together is the concept of guanxi, relationships between people. It is very important for the Chinese to have good relationships. The term keqi not only applies to one who is considerate, polite, and well mannered, but also represents humbleness and modesty. The expression is most often used in the negative, as in buyao keqi, meaning "you shouldn't be so kind and polite to me," or "you're welcome."

Greetings and Introductions

Chinese used to cup one hand in the other before the chest as a salute. This tradition has a history of more than 2000 years. Today it is seldom used except in the Spring Festival. And shaking hands is more popular and appropriate on some formal occasions. Bowing, as to convey respect to the higher level, is often used by the lower like subordinates, students, and attendants. Many western countries accept hugs and kisses as a popular form of greeting although a handshake is still the formal way of greeting people. In China, a handshake or a simple and kind salutation is common. But Chinese youngsters today tend to simply nod as a greeting. To some extent this evolution reflects the ever-increasing paces of modern life.

In China, various forms of address are used according to circumstances. Choosing the appropriate and correct form shows your wit and high respect to others. Generally, for Chinese people it should be in accord with convention and care much about the personal favor of the people being addressed.

It is important when starting or opening your greeting for the most senior person to introduce themselves and then the next senior person, thus working down the rank in your company or organization. Even when Chinese business people visit Western countries, they will mostly walk in the room with the most senior person leading the party. This custom is a matter of respect and honor; these two words are probably the most important in Chinese culture. Normally when you are shaking the hand of a Chinese official or business person it is polite to slightly bow your head forward, but not your whole body.

Other tips to remember are:

• Chinese prefer to be formally introduced to someone new. Always stand up when being introduced and remain standing throughout the introductions.
• When talking with a stranger, the topics such as weather, food, or hobbies may be good choices to break the ice. To a man, a chat about current affairs, sports, stock market or his job can usually go on smoothly.
• Shaking hands in an affirmative manner is widely accepted and common practice in Chinese business world.
• Never scratch others palm with your fingers when shaking hands or you will fall into a trouble as this action is deemed as sexual intrigue and an intrusive act.

Social Distance, Touching & Gestures

• The Chinese do not like to be touched, particularly by strangers. Do not hug, back slap or put an arm around someone's shoulder. Note however that the Chinese generally don't have the same sense of personal space that North Americans do. It's not unusual for people to almost press up against you while speaking to you. Try to relax and not show how disconcerting it might.
• Do not point the index finger--use the open hand instead.
• Do not use the index finger to call someone-use the hand with fingers motioning downward as in waving.
• Do not snap finger.
• Do not show the soles of shoes.
• Do not whistle.

Eye Contact

• Maintain eye-contact with your business partner will help communications.
• Staring or absence of eye-contact would mean impoliteness.
• Note: When walking in public places, direct eye contact and staring are not common in the larger cities, especially in those areas accustomed to foreign visitors. However, in smaller communities, visitors may be the subject of much curiosity and therefore you may notice some stares, especially if you are blond or redheaded.

Dining Etiquette

A multitude of etiquette considerations occur also when dinning. There are some special differences from manners in western countries.

• A round dining table is more popular in China than a rectangular or square one. As many people who can be seated comfortably around it conveniently face one another. The guest of honor is always seated to the right of the host; the next in line will sit on his left. Guests should be seated after the host's invitation, and it is discourteous to seat guests at the place where the dishes are served.
• Dinning may only begin once the host and all his guests are seated. The host should actively take care of all his guests, inviting them to enjoy their meal.
• On a typical Chinese dinning table there are always a cup, a bowl on a small dish, together with the chopsticks and table spoons. Dishes are always presented in the center of the table.
• Apart from soup, all dishes should be eaten with chopsticks. The Chinese are particular about the use of chopsticks. There are many no-no's such as twiddling with chopsticks, licking chopsticks, or using them to stir up the food, gesture with them or point them at others. Never stick chopsticks in the center of rice, as this is the way to sacrifice and is therefore considered to be inauspicious.
• Keep your dining pace accorded with other people. Never smoke when dining.
• In formal Chinese dinning is always accompanied by tea, beer or distilled spirit. The one who sit closest to the teapot or wine bottle should pour them for others from the senior and superior to the junior and inferior. And when other people fill your cup or glass, you should express your thanks. Guests can not pour tea or wine themselves.
• A toast to others is a characteristic Chinese dinning. When all people are seated and all cups are filled, the host should toast others first, together with some simple prologue to let the dinning start. During the dining after the senior's toast, you can toast anyone from superior to inferior at their convenience. When someone toasts you, you should immediately stop eating and drinking to accept and toast in response. If you are far from someone you want to toast, then you can use your cup or glass to rap on the table to attract attention rather than raise your voice. However, it is impolite to urge others to drink.
• Conventionally, if you are invited to a formal banquet, all the dishes should not be eaten up completely, or you will give the host the impression that he has not provided a good banquets and the food was insufficient. After dining, guests should leave once the host has left the table.
• Chopsticks should not be played with during a meal (for example banging them on the table), used for pointing or left standing up in a rice bowl.
• The socially-acceptable method for eating rice is to bring one's bowl close to one's mouth and quickly scoop the rice into it with one's chopsticks, but simply lifting portions of rice to the mouth from the bowl held in the other hand is also acceptable.
• If you wish to take a drink of the wine, you may first toast another diner. If you yourself are toasted but do not wish to drink, it is acceptable to touch the glass to your lips without drinking.

Business Etiquette

The Business Meeting - Chinese meetings may seem loosely structured but they bear certain rules that should be respected.

• Prior to the meeting bring a large supply of business cards. You may meet many more people than anticipated.
• Chinese usually tend to come a bit earlier to show their earnestness. And it would not be regarded as being late if you come within 10 minutes.
• Handle business cards with both hands, never write on them, and give them a conspicuous amount of attention. Say something nice about them.
• Cold water is rarely available, and a bit alien to Chinese culture. So if you get tepid or hot water, don't ask for cold water. It's not a mistake.
• Use honorifics whenever possible, especially when dealing with government officials. It's more important to know someone's title than to know his or her name. And feel free to drop the vice from their title when referring to them.
• Whoever has the floor speaks, sometimes only the two principals in the meeting. Subordinates talk only when called upon, or while offering the briefest of interjections. And silence isn't necessarily an invitation for others to talk. Chinese are much more comfortable than Westerners with silence.
• There are some useful Chinese expressions easy to learn:
  Hello - Ni Hao
  Hello (honorific) - Nin hao
  Thank you - Xie Xie
  Cheers (toast) - Gan pei
  Goodbye - Zai jian
• China is one of the few countries where tipping is not practiced. In most places, it is not necessary to tip and nobody will ask for it.
• When business negotiation is entered, verbal communications are enough and do not do too many gestures.
• Do not take the Chinese nod for agreement; it's only a sign that they are listening attentively.
• If a Chinese person gives you a compliment, it is polite to deny it graciously. Modesty is highly valued in China.

Business Card Etiquette

• Use both hands when presenting business cards and be sure the writing faces the person to whom you are presenting your card. Cards should also be received with both hands.
• Do not immediately put the card in a pocket or bag - this is considered rude. Follow with the standard "I am pleased to meet you, or "ni hao" in Chinese. When seated, place cards on the table.
• Business cards should be printed in English on one side and Chinese on the other. Be sure to use simplified Chinese characters for mainland.

Gift Giving

Chinese people are very particular about the amenity of 'courtesy demands reciprocity' and the advice is an indispensable part of social interactions. In Chinese culture the giving of a gift is widely practiced and important to both private and business relationships. This is a very important etiquette in communication.

The best choice for the initial meeting is a gift that expresses some unique aspect of your country. The gift wrapping should be red or any other festive color. White and black are ominous and should be avoided. It is not proper, and is even considered to be unfortunate, to take a clock as a gift or to choose one having to do with the number four, which sounds like death in Chinese. Even though even numbers are considered as good luck, the number four is an exception. Do not brag about your gift in front of the recipient, and you should use both hands when presenting it. Generally, the recipient may graciously refuse the present when first offered. In this case, you should correctly assess the situation and present it once again. If the recipient did not open your gift, it does not mean that he or she is not interested in it. It is polite to open it after you leave.

Other Chinese customs regarding gift giving are:

• If you are invited to a family party, small gifts like wine, tea, cigarettes, or candies are welcomed. Also fruit, pastries, and flowers are a safe choice.
• Wedding gifts and birthday gifts for the aged are always sent in pairs for the old saying goes that blessings come in pairs.
• Though four is an even number, it reads like death in Chinese thus is avoided.
• A gift of clock is a taboo because it sounds like attending other's funeral. As connected with death and sorrow, black and white are also the last in the choice.
• Always wrap gifts, but do not use white paper-it symbolizes death. Red and gold are the best.
• When receiving gifts from the Chinese, do not open them unless they insist.

If you follow the usual Chinese customs, you will extend the proper respect. But there is no need to worry more about the cultural barriers, for the warm and friendly Chinese will try their best to respect your customs when communicating.